The Target Aisle at 3 am
By : Keri Zimmerman LM RM CPM -Your Concierge Midwife
4 days after I gave birth we were a mess. My partner would wake up all night long every time my daughter was hungry and would have to play a show on my phone to distract me while I latched my daughter sometimes 3 times until I could bear the pain. He would sometimes squeeze my hand so hard while I hyperventilated as if I was pushing a baby out (again). I can’t imagine what it was like to be him watching his partner struggle but also needing me (his daughter’s food source) to rally again 2 hours after she finished eating to feed her, yet again. His daughter needed to eat. But his partner was in pain.
So there we were. 3 am. Buying a hand pump because the electric pump wouldn’t work and I refused to latch her again. I didn’t know I would be in this position. Breastfeeding was supposed to click. I had the willpower to breastfeed and the home birth I dreamed of…so shouldn’t breastfeeding be my reward for everything I went through? Of course I didn’t even dream of buying formula because I was so sure the magic of new motherhood would exude in this effortless transfer that was breastfeeding.
My background is in midwifery. I clinically knew the realities of the struggles that mothers face in breastfeeding and the entire childbearing year. Call it optimism or cognitive dissonance, but I thought I would be immune to the trials I knew were technically possible. After experiencing the struggles from my first pregnancy and postpartum, I learned that this phenomenon reaches pretty much all of us. Optimism bias is the belief that each of us is more likely to experience good outcomes and less likely to experience bad outcomes. The key to optimism bias is that we disregard the reality of an overall situation because we think we are excluded from the potential negative effects (1).
I’m not here to scare you. I remember being a mother-to-be hearing dozens of accounts of trauma anywhere from woes of morning sickness to colic and feeling like I needed to block out the noise of the negativity for the sake of lowering my overall stress and channeling serotonin and positivity to my unborn daughter. I see the burden that pregnant people are carrying trying to be prepared for every possible outcome from nutrition to exercise to choosing the best provider and I feel it heavily. The moment that you conceive your baby, your life ceases to exist solely for yourself and you begin to carry the weight of sacrifice every day. Sometimes accepting the optimism bias is a choice, consciously or subconsciously, to be a better mother. It’s a natural human thing.
I also just feel extremely saddened that there is not more consistent support for those childbearing and entering parenthood. The dichotomy is that there is very little support from mainstream primary providers and also many conflicting and competing resources all at once. Think—team breast is best/fed is best…team hospital vs home birth. The voices are overwhelming and hunkering down, closing up, and protecting our sanity is sometimes the only viable option. Overall, mothers report being vastly underprepared for the challenges of postpartum (2).
Parents are coming to terms with the reality that yes, I cannot bury my head in the sand about potential obstacles during this journey. I created holistic birth journey concierge to lessen the noise expectant parents are wading through and marry the possibility of lowering stress and having a wellness team built in for the entire journey. Both in my experience as a midwife and a mother of 2, I have seen consistently the support providers and resources that parents are needing and have built a program that decreases stress, decreases pain, and increases overall enjoyment and satisfaction during the childbearing year. I find that when I consistently nurture 4 key areas from conception to postpartum, my clients describe their childbearing year as magical, sacred, and empowering.
The 4 key areas I hone in on are nutrition, movement, mental health, and community. I never promise an easy journey but my goals are that you are fully informed, educated, and supported. Holistic, well rounded care ensures that the choices made to uphold health can and will prevent overall morbidity for the motherbaby dyad and the health of the entire family. The year before a mother delivers their baby is one of the most foundational and important years of their whole life. Treating this year with sanctity creates a robust foundation both in the body and soul with lessons and practices that echoes into the rest of both the parents’ and the child’s life.
On the path to parenthood, we are all tested. Acknowledging the trials that are bound to come does not mean you are exempt from optimism about the future. It means you are informed with knowledge and surrounded with a team to ensure you can tackle anything that comes your way.
Keri Zimmerman LM RM CPM
Keri offers concierge midwifery and holistic pregnancy management for the around the clock support and hands on care you crave. Keri Zimmerman is a licensed midwife offering customizable holistic support in pregnancy and postpartum so you never feel isolated or confused.
How to reach her:
-
https://ekuonline.eku.edu/blog/psychology/psychology-bs/optimism-bias/#:~:text=Optimism%20bias%20is%20the%20belief,from%20the%20potential%20negative%20effects.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4304667/
